After a really long time I came across a person, who thinks similar to the way I did, behaves similar to the way I did, treats people in a similar way to how I do... A person who tried to keep others happy with all the small things that could be done... A person who took the extra mile to see people smile... But somehow I could not see the real happiness in this person. I could see people hurting him inspite of his good nature, people taking him for granted.. It was then that I related this person to me. A state where you dont mind helping others in every small way you could but in turn getting hurt and ignored by people whom you really care for....
I sat back to think what was that I liked in him.. And what I did not like...
He would care for everyone he came across
He would try to put a smile on every person's lips
Do little things that would make people happy
Showed as if he did everything he could but never expected anything back....
But the truth is that people cant live without any expectations...
I am sure he also did expect things from people but somehow he never showed that he also needed that care and concern...
I could see my reflection in him at that moment..
What was he doing thinking this way??
Cheating himself that he is always smiling and putting a smile on everyones lips???
Fooling himself that he finds his happiness in all these ways??
I tried looking back to see how different I would be when I were in the same situation. I have struggled to change myself to a state where now I know who can hurt me and who can't. I knew this boundary had to be set because not everyone I meet is worth all the pain I go through because of them.. I had learnt things the hard way..
I had once punished the one who loved me so much saying that he never understands me and would never understand me just because another friend had hurt me by breaking the friendship and I was scared to get more hurt that way. By doing this later I just felt so bad that I felt guilty to forgive myself for having hurt the one who loved me so much and also when the other friend spoke back I felt it was because of her that I acted bad with the other. Later thinking about it I realized that it was not either of their faults but my own. I had not realized who is worth what and at that moment I neither wanted to know. My negligence had not only hurt me but two other people who cared dearly for me.
To state yet another instance, a group of people labelled me as "insensitive & jobless" just because I cared enough to stay in touch with them. I was terribly hurt when I got to know that this is how people looked at me and treated me behind my back. Was it my fault to keep in touch with people? Was it my fault to greet people when I met them each day? Was it my fault to that I was hurt so much knowing about them?? It took me more than two weeks to recover from that hurt feeling. I slipped back into my hard shell and decided not to come out of it. All I could see was that "Its a mean world filled with mean people"... Inside my shell I thought more and more and kept wondering why anyone would call me insensitive & jobless for just staying in touch? Then like a smooth river flowing things started flowing into my mind. I rememered all that my special one had told me... Not to take everything to heart. Not to give space to everyone. Specially not to let people hurt me in every simple way they could. When he told me all this, he also said that it would take me atleast a year to understand what he said. And that day after almost 8 months I could make sense of everything he had said. I slowly decided to move out of my hard shell but this time I moved out with another self created shell, a shell which I created, a shell which let me choose who could enter and who couldn't. Now being protected by this shell I see myself in a much better place. Not everyone can hurt me. I have chose to ignore certain comments from certain people which ultimately add no value to my life..
Having decided so much for myself, I now feel that this person is also in the same boat that I was in.. I know if he stays this way he will only get hurt and be more wounded.. Before he starts tasting the bitter side of people its better he changes. Starts thinking for himself. Throw a boundary within which he is comfortable and wouldn't get hurt so easily.. Smile on his lips but there is something beyond that which says he isn't as happy with people around him as people think him to be..
I know I am not assuming things but am not sure if I can shoot all my thoughts at him. Anybody would not like it when others interfere too much in their personal stuff and when it something they like and cant change obvious that they wouldn't like to talk much about it. But as a friend I am worried.. Probably I was too senstive through my tough times thats the reason I could be over reacting but then I am really scared and would like to prevent another from going through the same..
How many times have all of us been in such a state where we want to help but we can't. It's such a tough decision to make and also a weird situation to be in. Now it's this person that I wish changes but tomorrow if I see someone else sailing in the same bout then I am sure I would still get worried and try to help them..
This blog helps me to throw my random thoughts across to all the people who get to read this. Probably reading makes a difference... Or probably writing this has made a bif difference in me too.. Special thanks to the person I met who made me spill my mind out and share my thoughts..
"The key to happiness is having dreams... The keep to success is making dreams come true"
